Relevance…a Life Lesson

Believe you have the means to offer your whole self.
Fill this life with your whole Love.
Elle Collier Re

 

This week has been a time for looking at relevance. The thesaurus lists several synonyms for relevance, among them: significance, meaning, importance, consequence. For me it comes down to two words—to matter. Isn’t that what we all want? Don’t we all want to matter, to make a difference? If we disappeared from the face of the earth, wouldn’t we want to know that someone would go looking for us? Sounds like a worthy goal—to matter—but as I found this last week, it comes at a fairly high price.

I should go back a bit and shed a little light on my latest life lesson. The lessons seem to come from every direction lately, generally like a thief in the night—with no warning and hell bent on stealing what I hold dear. This time God was serious, either that or I wasn’t listening the first time, because I was given two ‘opportunities’ to pay attention.

The first lesson took the shape of a comment from my teacher. As she mentioned an old friend’s return I was reminded of a past that failed to live up to its promise. My heart clutched and closed. As we talked memories darted in and out of their hiding places. I obviously had not hidden them deep enough. I heard my teacher’s voice; caught a few words in the middle of her sentence…you can’t withhold your love…and was swept back into the hell of my mind’s creation. As her gentle words broke the spell of memories and mind-stuff the cause of my heartache was evident—I had closed my heart whose only purpose was to unfold in love and be of service. Yes… her words felt right.

Perhaps to make certain that I got it this time—thank you God—the lesson was repeated just two days later. This time it took the shape of a broken agreement and being left to deal with a responsibility alone. Isn’t it funny how one broken promise opens the floodgate to similar recollections? It is so easy to grab the high ground and assume the role of the wounded. I would never do that…I don’t understand what she was thinking…Doesn’t she understand commitment? Don’t I matter? Again, the swirl of memories and mind-stuff, designed with one purpose—to protect and defend this sense of self, to insure that I had relevance, to protect myself from being hurt by another’s rejection—to hold the fear at bay.

This was the prize the thief in the night was after. It wanted my whole self. It wasn’t satisfied with all that I had given; it wanted more. It wanted me to let go of everything I held dear, of any claim to relevance, significance, or meaning and it was showing me the cost of clinging to my self-importance—the turning away, the closed heart, the ache of isolation, the denial of Wholeness.

The choice is always present, always waiting for us to step out of fear. We can choose to be right, to safeguard our importance, and in doing so we choose separation, or we can choose love above all else, regardless of what we fear might happen, knowing only love can fill the emptiness. In choosing love we allow the hurt to heal; we allow our hearts to open and satisfy their purpose; we allow this miracle of life to unfold. Isn’t this what we really want?

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
I Corinthians 13:4-8