Finding the certainty of genuine commitment

A Bug’s Life: “1^st rule of leadership; everything is your fault.”

The paths of the spiritual warrior are many. Even when it appears we are not on the sacred path, we are, for either everything is sacred or nothing is. In my experience everything is sacred even those things we deem unworthy of such a majestic word, for everything can be used as a homing beam, pointing us to the truth of who we are. Looking back upon my spiritual path, two apparently different paths emerge—the path of full responsibility and its sister, the path of full surrender.

If you can accept full responsibility everything becomes your own making. You get credit for both sides of the coin—the blame and the accolades. You and only you are responsible for your life. Of course, if you look only at your outcomes, without clearly seeing the foundational beliefs, you may find yourself leaning more towards criticism than applause.

This is an interesting path, choosing full responsibility, especially when it is embraced to its ultimate conclusion that there is actually no one here other than you. As you stay present with your creation, the truth unfolds. There is only you and your versions, interpretations, and musings on life. Everything outside of the present moment exists inside the bubble of your mind.

Although true, this path is quite difficult to embrace. Mind wants a sparring partner—something to rant and rave about, to compare and contrast, to push against, someone with which to share its glories. None exists, other than you, upon this path. When one accepts full responsibility looking inward to understand the outward becomes the choiceless choice. It drops you quite effortlessly onto the razor’s edge, right in the middle of Now.

“Only as a warrior can one withstand the path of knowledge. A warrior cannot complain or regret anything. His life is an endless challenge, and challenges cannot possibly be good or bad. Challenges are simply challenges.” Carlos Castaneda

This was my first, or at least what appeared to my uneducated mind to be, my first of two apparently different paths. I couldn’t use the word God and I recoiled against the term Christ even more quickly. I had run away from my religious upbringing as fast as my two legs could carry me. There was no God! There was only me. Therefore I didn’t consider option two.

Option two, although even less easy to swallow, is to give away all thought of responsibility or credit—to forgive it all back to God, to acknowledge that we are engaged in a most amazing dance with the Infinite, a dance beyond comprehension. With this option we begin to see that we are engaged in an amazing adventure, so amazing that breathless surprises await us around every corner. Life is seen as a ‘seat of the pants’ adventure, with you sitting atop the edge of possibility. This path too, removes the sparring partner, other than God of course, and with a little practice this idea too, looses its luster. Sparring with God is the definitive no-win scenario.

The first path, absolute responsibility, no one but you, just you and the steering wheel of life, stops projection in its tracks. There is no one left to blame. There is also no point to accolades as there isn’t anyone left to impress. There is only you. You are creating it all. This path is not about placing blame. It is about deep intentions and solving a grand inner mystery.

The second, all responsibility given back to God, surrendered to what is, the Divine’s puppet in a rigged game, takes all the fight out of the do-machine you perceive yourself to be. If God is doing it through you, through the other guy too, then there is only God to blame or praise—for everything. Yes you can rail at the heavens, but to what purpose? Within this path you can’t change anything, so all that remains is to decide what gives you the most peace. When you pay attention, you will quickly see that a deeper surrender to the here and now is your only choice. Any other reaction is grabbing at a steering wheel firmly planted in the hands of heaven.

“Within these premises, the only thing one can be is an impeccable mediator. One is not the player in this cosmic match of chess, one is simply a pawn on the chessboard. What decides everything is a conscious impersonal energy that sorcerers call intent or the Spirit.” Carlos Castaneda

Both are paths of the spiritual warrior, a full commitment to undoing everything we have created and believed in. It is a return to innocence, to who we are before our first thought of ‘I’. Both are answers to the search, leading to the same conclusion.

One strips away everything in one act—it is all yours God. The commitment then begins to work within you, reminding you each time you slip back into ownership. “Oh, yes. I remember. I am but the puppet.” The commitment works as a wedge, quickly, subtly nudging you back to acceptance, letting you see your beliefs in ownership at work, allowing you to consciously release them.

Full ownership strips away beliefs and creations as well. If I am the absolute creator then something within me is creating this that is appearing. What is that something? What is determining my life experience? If everything is a project of this mind, what beliefs and thoughts are driving and determining my life? These questions plunge one into an inner search unlike any other, a search with twists and turns, both gut-wrenching and expansive.

Even though apparently dissimilar, the paths are convergent, leading us eventually to the same last gasping breath of understanding. As you strip away your beliefs, whether your path is creator or creator’s puppet, everything falls away. The concept of being the creator falls into the Oneness with the recognition that there is no ‘I’, that even the ‘I” is mind’s creation. And, as all resistance to powerlessness is released, inner silence complete, God’s puppet falls back into God.

“Inner silence works from the moment you begin to accrue it. What the old sorcerers were after was the final dramatic, end result of reaching that individual threshold of silence.” Carlos Castaneda

The certainty of genuine commitment comes as one chooses rather than flailing back and forth between the two paths, believing this I have responsibility for, this I do not. This flailing about is mind’s game, an illusion without end. It is the game most of us experience as life. I know these paths well. Taken together, they pave many paths to hell, all mind’s dead-ends, a mental ping-pong match where you are the ball with no safe place to land. Choose one. It doesn’t matter which. Both lead to the same jumping off spot! I chose personal responsibility first until it became ridiculously clear that something bigger than me was in play. Choose whichever causes the most discomfort if you dare.

The simple perfection of self-less devotion

The word ‘Samurai’ fascinates me.  When one thinks of Samurai, one envisions the noble warrior dressed in battle armor.  The word though, rather than referencing the warrior, means ‘to serve’.  There is a wonderful scene in the movie, “The Last Samurai.” Normally I wouldn’t be interested in violent movies but this one was different.  There was a simple perfection in the life and commitment of the lead characters. In one scene, Algren, played by Tom Cruise, is walking through the Samurai village, wondering silently to himself about the people now holding him captive.  

Algren: They are an intriguing people. From the moment they wake they devote themselves to the perfection of whatever they pursue. I have never seen such discipline. I am surprised to learn that the word Samurai means, ‘to serve’, and that Katsumoto believes his rebellion to be in the service of the Emperor.

To serve, to devote oneself to the perfection of whatever one pursues, is an intriguing concept. It is even more intriguing when it shifts and becomes more than concept, when it becomes true devotion, a devotion so complete that concepts dissolve into the perfection.

What is so important in life that we would choose to devote ourselves to its pursuit?  Is there anything that crucial?  Stop a moment and reflect.  Is there anything so important in your life?  

Most of us will feel a pang of emptiness with the realization that nothing elicits that level of devotion.  When we are honest, we will admit that even our family doesn’t take our focus away from ourselves.   Recently, when Ken was re-diagnosed with cancer, I watched my thoughts and was not too surprised to see the depth of self attention.  I cared about Ken’s recovery but when I looked at the reasons they were all about me.   How would I get along without him?  It would be so lonely not laying next to him in bed and rising in the morning to an empty house.  All the little things he does every day, and some of the big things too, flashed by.  Who would do all those things that I didn’t know how to do?  I watched as they all paraded by, clamoring for attention, shaking my head in amazement at the mind’s selfishness.

It is just this self-focus that alienates us from life and makes us feel so disconnected and alone, even right in the midst of countless others. Self-focus turns the mind inward.  By its very nature it separates us from all others, even those we say we love.  Everything becomes about us, what we want, what we need, what we don’t want to lose. 

Right now, for most of us, what is so important in life is protecting and defending ourselves.  With that focus, we are in service to ourselves rather than something that stirs our souls and ignites our hearts.

Katsumoto (Ken Watanabe) the Samurai leader, was a rare being.  His devotion to service was inspirational.  I found myself crying when he was cut down by the emperor’s troops.  What he stood for was pure and rare.  He understood that devotion to something other than oneself is the path of life.  He would not turn away even if it meant losing his.  Everything he did he did with such devotion.  Every moment was a moment in service to perfection.

In one scene, Katsumoto is seen gazing at the blossoms on a cherry tree outside the temple.

Katsumoto: The perfect blossom is a rare thing. You could spend your life looking for one, and it would not be a wasted life.

A life devoted to service is a well lived life.  It has meaning.  It is full and offers the possibility of true connection, of something beyond separation.  Something self-focus will never offer.  Katsumoto spent his life looking for the perfect blossom and with his dying breath realized the perfection of the whole. 

Katsumoto: Perfect…they are all…perfect.

We too, can realize the perfection of the whole and understand our place within it.  It is possible to find that place we can call home and to settle into it fully, no longer needing to search for a better version of it or of ourselves.  We can live fully, out loud, alive and grateful, in service to something not only greater than ourselves, but something that includes us as well and it isn’t necessary to delay finding this perfection until our last breath. 

Service is the access point to perfection, service to God and each and every one of His creatures—without exception.  First we shift our focus beyond ourselves, and begin to expand it with each breath, until it includes the Whole.  We cannot be whole while separating ourselves from anything.  As we open our hearts, our arms will open too! Can you imagine what our world will look like when we are single-pointedly devoted and in service to each other? 

Your comments are welcomed!