It is time to focus on what you are rather that what you are not

We all need to decide whether to “play it safe” in life and worry about the downside, or instead take a chance, by being who we really are and living the life our heart desires. Which choice are you making? Charlie Badenhop

Choice is a loaded word in that it is always operative.  Regardless of our conscious or unconscious attention, we are making choices with each breath. There is an addiction that unwittingly occurs with many spiritual seekers, a title I only recently relinquished. In fact, I didn’t realize that I was still a seeker, when I thought I was not. The fact that I was playing it safe, choosing the downside over the reality, only became clear when at last I took what appeared to be a giant leap of faith, and landed right in the lap of God. With that step there was a new understanding of choice, of what it means to actually choose Love over all other possibilities.  

For most searchers, and that includes most everyone of us even when we don’t see ourselves as one, life is lived at the effect of what we think we are not. We spend our lives consciously or unconsciously on the look-out for everything that is wrong with us—an uncaring thought, corroboration of our unworthiness, physical proof of the status quo—our evidence that aspiring to awaken into an enlightened state is out of reach and for what it’s worth, most likely always will be. The decision is clear.  Don’t stop practicing. We skip right past proof to the contrary, the proof that who we are is Love incarnate, Christ Consciousness, the Buddha nature.

There is nothing to practice. To know yourself, be yourself. To be yourself, stop imagining yourself to be this or that. Just be. Let your true nature emerge. Don’t disturb your mind with seeking. - Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

Even when we look back across time and realize how much more fully we live in the present moment, we still judge ourselves as ‘getting there, but not there yet’. Despite evidence to the contrary, I withheld this same approval and thereby failed Love. “Patience”, I told myself. “Perhaps you will be love when all selfish thought dissolves.” I was not willing to assert that I had vanished into Love.  With that refusal I unconsciously chose to deny the truth of who I am, and with that, the truth of each of us. I was in fact more willing to deny myself than I was to say, “Yes God. Of course I am and now I see what has always been”.

Seeking becomes a new identity. To give up the chase, even in the face of undeniable proof, feels like giving up the self-improvement project, something that has supplied great entertainment for quite some time. It feels that way because it is. Our focus for years, perhaps lifetimes, has been on getting somewhere good and if we were willing to vocalize it, on going Home to God!

In the process we have created pictures of what it would look and feel like when we arrived. These pictures were a necessary part of the seeker’s dance. They heartened us to let go of old beliefs and to face our fears. They primed us for Truth to sweep in and make us its own. There is nothing wrong with the pictures. They were perfect. They were essential. They helped us all to create an amazing shift in awareness. They have brought us to this moment together. 

Now, standing here collectively, it is time to refocus. It is time to focus on what we are rather than what we are not and that takes a willingness to let go of the old, even though it has brought us far, and step into the unknown. Proof can only lay claim to the known. It can tell us what happened in the last moment. It cannot take us any further on our journey. It has brought us here, now and it is time to move forward into a grander version of ourselves than what we believed possible.

As long as we continue to see ourselves as seekers we will be obliged to continue the quest. The adventure is fun, sometimes joyful and at times painful. That cannot be argued. It also becomes a lifestyle. Being a seeker has lots of perks, not the least that it gives us access to a community and a place to belong.  Hanging onto our title and our memberships though means we prolong the illusion and miss the truth standing right in front of us.

We each have an original blueprint and it IS divine. It is the truth that calls to our hearts. Love as our foundation is what allows us to feel the pang of separation. It is that part of us being led to stand and be counted for and with each other. Yes we can change our world and move from fear into love, and will as we stand together in support of the whole, in service to this greater good.

We are this love that we seek. As we all stand together and claim this truth, that we are this love and no longer need to seek this love, we make it a possibility for all those still struggling in our world. We are the standard bearers for a new reality. The time has passed for waiting. It is time to choose. It is now time to live as the love we have desired. 

Realization is to get rid of the delusion that you have not realized. - Sri Ramana Maharshi

 

The Original Blueprint

Return at last

To what you have

Always been

Deny yourself

No more

Are you tired

Of this game

Small and unimportant

Are you ready

To come Home

Come Home Now

Acknowledge

The truth that

Is always here

With your choice

Simple choosing seems

To be an impossibility

You choose now,

Only now you

Choose your mind

Choose instead

With all the knowing

That lives within you

With your open heart

That cries out loud

Your heart already

Knows this as truth

Your heart is ready

To lead you

Into your birthright

You were born God

Have lived as God

Are living now

As God

Can you see this?

This is no game

No idle play

This is deadly serious

To your master

The selfish ego

Choose now

Deny yourself

No More

Allow yourself to be

Your original Divine blueprint!

You are love

You are God

You are YES

You are selfless

You are this Oneness

Your comments are welcomed!

Quite backwards from what mind expects

The difficulty lies, not in the new ideas, but escaping the old ones, which ramify, for those brought up as most of us have been, into every corner of our minds. — John Maynard Keynes (UK Economist)

There is not one of us that, if we knew how to, wouldn’t let go of outdated, unwanted and often times destructive thoughts, beliefs and behaviors—our demons.  It wasn’t that long ago that I sat in meditation and cried out in pain, “God, help me!  I don’t know how to let go.”  I was looking at an old tape, a sense of not being accepted or loved by my Dad.  He was long dead and yet as alive as if he was standing right next to me.  I knew that the old tape had to go. I just didn’t know how to let it go.  I sat there with my hands tied up in knots, little pillars of rock, trying to open them and let go of the beliefs trapped within them.  

Old tapes continue to run regardless of how many times we say “No! Go away.”  Within days, if we are lucky, or moments later, if we are not, the tape begins again.  Sometimes the voice is loud and resonates with familiarity—a voice from the past—a family member, a lost love, a past hatred.  If we pay attention we will hear our own voice speaking.  Sometimes words don’t formulate and the tape is nothing more than a bit of discomfort.  Even so, we know what it is saying.  It says, “You can’t do it, so why try?”, “Who are you trying to kid?” or “Watch out or they’ll find out who you really are.”

If the thread of hope is not too dim, we look away and try to bull our way through, chiding ourselves for allowing such thoughts residence within our heads.  We must try harder, do more visualization, meditate more, pray more, chant more, set better intentions—a hell in itself when seen clearly.  For others of us, quickly, silently the flash of inspiration is forgotten, little more than a passing fancy, something we aren’t even quite sure existed, except unfortunately at a sub-conscious level.   

As we turn away, rather than turning towards, our unspoken agreement adds another layer of unworthiness.  It is subtle and ever so deadly.   As soon as we are willing to see this though, the possibility known as ‘letting go’ emerges.   Letting go is actually a misnomer.   A better word would be its description—letting it in.   Turning towards begins the process.  As we turn towards the thought or belief with a willingness to see it clearly we stop the energy of denial and resistance that dams up the universal flow and damns us to our small inadequate image in the process.  

Most of what I have discovered as I fully engaged this grand experiment called life has been quite backwards from what mind expected.  Letting go is a perfect example of that.  Letting go implies disconnecting from that which you wish to release, a separation so to speak.  In actuality to release oneself from being at the effect of (a type of addiction to) a thought or belief, a reconnecting is in order, or said another way, re-integration. 

To the mind it doesn’t make sense.  Minds need separation in order to compare and contrast. Mind constantly breaks things into smaller and smaller pieces.  As we attempt to let go by disconnecting ourselves, we are in essence, further intensifying our separation, the real reason we were attempting to let go in the first place.  We wanted to let go of the thought or belief because it kept us small and disconnected. 

Re-integration puts the pieces back together.  It makes us whole again.   Every thing about it feels backwards, in fact rather nonsensical.  Pay no attention.  That is merely the ranting of a delusional mind that believes it has all the answers, the same mind that daily creates more separation and pain.  If you can sense the possibility of insanity, you might want to consider experimenting a bit.      

Step One: Intentional Stopping

With eyes wide open, turn 180 degrees.  Choose to turn and face rather than run and hide.  When you catch even the tiniest of glimpses, stop.  Even if it is just a sense of something, in the moment quite unknown to you, stop.   Declare to the world that you will not run, that you will not hide, that you will stand and meet your demons.  I have found no way through my fears, and what are unwanted thoughts and beliefs but fears, that does not include this step.  Stopping is a leap of faith that will catapult you into a truth that is so much more than what you think.  It is well worth any discomfort.

Step Two: Uncompromising Curiosity

As you face your demon, be curious about it.  Decide that you want to know everything there is to know about it.  Walk around it metaphorically speaking, and inquisitively study every facet, down to the very foundation upon which it stands.  Fall so deeply into wonder that you marvel at how amazingly creative you and your demons have been.  Allow yourself to be totally surprised, completely in awe of your new discoveries. The demon is your diamond.  Dig deeply to find the entire gem.   

Step Three: Gracious Hospitality

Invite your demon to sit down, pull up a chair and join you.  If it wants to stay, fine.   If it wants to go, that is fine too.  Desire neither its departure nor its presence.  It is your thought, your belief.  It is a part of you. Give it your complete ‘Yes’, your full acceptance.  In time you may fill hundreds, perhaps even thousands, of chairs.  Sit with your demon(s).  Breathe them into every cell.  Allow them entry into your heart.  Deny them no more. There is nothing to fear.    

The path of re-integration takes courage, for at times it will feel as if you will die.  What is dying though is the sense of a separate self.  Last time I checked I was still alive and I have been practicing re-integration for years.  When the folly of further separating oneself, of denying what is present for you in this moment, is clearly seen, courage comes more easily, the choice more choice-less, a natural ‘of course, what else can I do’. 

You can’t go through it

Without going through it

‘Til it goes through you

‘Til you know the truth

Kenny Loggins, chorus of “The Art of Letting Go”

Finding the certainty of genuine commitment

A Bug’s Life: “1^st rule of leadership; everything is your fault.”

The paths of the spiritual warrior are many. Even when it appears we are not on the sacred path, we are, for either everything is sacred or nothing is. In my experience everything is sacred even those things we deem unworthy of such a majestic word, for everything can be used as a homing beam, pointing us to the truth of who we are. Looking back upon my spiritual path, two apparently different paths emerge—the path of full responsibility and its sister, the path of full surrender.

If you can accept full responsibility everything becomes your own making. You get credit for both sides of the coin—the blame and the accolades. You and only you are responsible for your life. Of course, if you look only at your outcomes, without clearly seeing the foundational beliefs, you may find yourself leaning more towards criticism than applause.

This is an interesting path, choosing full responsibility, especially when it is embraced to its ultimate conclusion that there is actually no one here other than you. As you stay present with your creation, the truth unfolds. There is only you and your versions, interpretations, and musings on life. Everything outside of the present moment exists inside the bubble of your mind.

Although true, this path is quite difficult to embrace. Mind wants a sparring partner—something to rant and rave about, to compare and contrast, to push against, someone with which to share its glories. None exists, other than you, upon this path. When one accepts full responsibility looking inward to understand the outward becomes the choiceless choice. It drops you quite effortlessly onto the razor’s edge, right in the middle of Now.

“Only as a warrior can one withstand the path of knowledge. A warrior cannot complain or regret anything. His life is an endless challenge, and challenges cannot possibly be good or bad. Challenges are simply challenges.” Carlos Castaneda

This was my first, or at least what appeared to my uneducated mind to be, my first of two apparently different paths. I couldn’t use the word God and I recoiled against the term Christ even more quickly. I had run away from my religious upbringing as fast as my two legs could carry me. There was no God! There was only me. Therefore I didn’t consider option two.

Option two, although even less easy to swallow, is to give away all thought of responsibility or credit—to forgive it all back to God, to acknowledge that we are engaged in a most amazing dance with the Infinite, a dance beyond comprehension. With this option we begin to see that we are engaged in an amazing adventure, so amazing that breathless surprises await us around every corner. Life is seen as a ‘seat of the pants’ adventure, with you sitting atop the edge of possibility. This path too, removes the sparring partner, other than God of course, and with a little practice this idea too, looses its luster. Sparring with God is the definitive no-win scenario.

The first path, absolute responsibility, no one but you, just you and the steering wheel of life, stops projection in its tracks. There is no one left to blame. There is also no point to accolades as there isn’t anyone left to impress. There is only you. You are creating it all. This path is not about placing blame. It is about deep intentions and solving a grand inner mystery.

The second, all responsibility given back to God, surrendered to what is, the Divine’s puppet in a rigged game, takes all the fight out of the do-machine you perceive yourself to be. If God is doing it through you, through the other guy too, then there is only God to blame or praise—for everything. Yes you can rail at the heavens, but to what purpose? Within this path you can’t change anything, so all that remains is to decide what gives you the most peace. When you pay attention, you will quickly see that a deeper surrender to the here and now is your only choice. Any other reaction is grabbing at a steering wheel firmly planted in the hands of heaven.

“Within these premises, the only thing one can be is an impeccable mediator. One is not the player in this cosmic match of chess, one is simply a pawn on the chessboard. What decides everything is a conscious impersonal energy that sorcerers call intent or the Spirit.” Carlos Castaneda

Both are paths of the spiritual warrior, a full commitment to undoing everything we have created and believed in. It is a return to innocence, to who we are before our first thought of ‘I’. Both are answers to the search, leading to the same conclusion.

One strips away everything in one act—it is all yours God. The commitment then begins to work within you, reminding you each time you slip back into ownership. “Oh, yes. I remember. I am but the puppet.” The commitment works as a wedge, quickly, subtly nudging you back to acceptance, letting you see your beliefs in ownership at work, allowing you to consciously release them.

Full ownership strips away beliefs and creations as well. If I am the absolute creator then something within me is creating this that is appearing. What is that something? What is determining my life experience? If everything is a project of this mind, what beliefs and thoughts are driving and determining my life? These questions plunge one into an inner search unlike any other, a search with twists and turns, both gut-wrenching and expansive.

Even though apparently dissimilar, the paths are convergent, leading us eventually to the same last gasping breath of understanding. As you strip away your beliefs, whether your path is creator or creator’s puppet, everything falls away. The concept of being the creator falls into the Oneness with the recognition that there is no ‘I’, that even the ‘I” is mind’s creation. And, as all resistance to powerlessness is released, inner silence complete, God’s puppet falls back into God.

“Inner silence works from the moment you begin to accrue it. What the old sorcerers were after was the final dramatic, end result of reaching that individual threshold of silence.” Carlos Castaneda

The certainty of genuine commitment comes as one chooses rather than flailing back and forth between the two paths, believing this I have responsibility for, this I do not. This flailing about is mind’s game, an illusion without end. It is the game most of us experience as life. I know these paths well. Taken together, they pave many paths to hell, all mind’s dead-ends, a mental ping-pong match where you are the ball with no safe place to land. Choose one. It doesn’t matter which. Both lead to the same jumping off spot! I chose personal responsibility first until it became ridiculously clear that something bigger than me was in play. Choose whichever causes the most discomfort if you dare.

The simple perfection of self-less devotion

The word ‘Samurai’ fascinates me.  When one thinks of Samurai, one envisions the noble warrior dressed in battle armor.  The word though, rather than referencing the warrior, means ‘to serve’.  There is a wonderful scene in the movie, “The Last Samurai.” Normally I wouldn’t be interested in violent movies but this one was different.  There was a simple perfection in the life and commitment of the lead characters. In one scene, Algren, played by Tom Cruise, is walking through the Samurai village, wondering silently to himself about the people now holding him captive.  

Algren: They are an intriguing people. From the moment they wake they devote themselves to the perfection of whatever they pursue. I have never seen such discipline. I am surprised to learn that the word Samurai means, ‘to serve’, and that Katsumoto believes his rebellion to be in the service of the Emperor.

To serve, to devote oneself to the perfection of whatever one pursues, is an intriguing concept. It is even more intriguing when it shifts and becomes more than concept, when it becomes true devotion, a devotion so complete that concepts dissolve into the perfection.

What is so important in life that we would choose to devote ourselves to its pursuit?  Is there anything that crucial?  Stop a moment and reflect.  Is there anything so important in your life?  

Most of us will feel a pang of emptiness with the realization that nothing elicits that level of devotion.  When we are honest, we will admit that even our family doesn’t take our focus away from ourselves.   Recently, when Ken was re-diagnosed with cancer, I watched my thoughts and was not too surprised to see the depth of self attention.  I cared about Ken’s recovery but when I looked at the reasons they were all about me.   How would I get along without him?  It would be so lonely not laying next to him in bed and rising in the morning to an empty house.  All the little things he does every day, and some of the big things too, flashed by.  Who would do all those things that I didn’t know how to do?  I watched as they all paraded by, clamoring for attention, shaking my head in amazement at the mind’s selfishness.

It is just this self-focus that alienates us from life and makes us feel so disconnected and alone, even right in the midst of countless others. Self-focus turns the mind inward.  By its very nature it separates us from all others, even those we say we love.  Everything becomes about us, what we want, what we need, what we don’t want to lose. 

Right now, for most of us, what is so important in life is protecting and defending ourselves.  With that focus, we are in service to ourselves rather than something that stirs our souls and ignites our hearts.

Katsumoto (Ken Watanabe) the Samurai leader, was a rare being.  His devotion to service was inspirational.  I found myself crying when he was cut down by the emperor’s troops.  What he stood for was pure and rare.  He understood that devotion to something other than oneself is the path of life.  He would not turn away even if it meant losing his.  Everything he did he did with such devotion.  Every moment was a moment in service to perfection.

In one scene, Katsumoto is seen gazing at the blossoms on a cherry tree outside the temple.

Katsumoto: The perfect blossom is a rare thing. You could spend your life looking for one, and it would not be a wasted life.

A life devoted to service is a well lived life.  It has meaning.  It is full and offers the possibility of true connection, of something beyond separation.  Something self-focus will never offer.  Katsumoto spent his life looking for the perfect blossom and with his dying breath realized the perfection of the whole. 

Katsumoto: Perfect…they are all…perfect.

We too, can realize the perfection of the whole and understand our place within it.  It is possible to find that place we can call home and to settle into it fully, no longer needing to search for a better version of it or of ourselves.  We can live fully, out loud, alive and grateful, in service to something not only greater than ourselves, but something that includes us as well and it isn’t necessary to delay finding this perfection until our last breath. 

Service is the access point to perfection, service to God and each and every one of His creatures—without exception.  First we shift our focus beyond ourselves, and begin to expand it with each breath, until it includes the Whole.  We cannot be whole while separating ourselves from anything.  As we open our hearts, our arms will open too! Can you imagine what our world will look like when we are single-pointedly devoted and in service to each other? 

Your comments are welcomed!

Are you ready to win life’s lottery?

In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s mind there are few. Shunryu Suzuki

There is an infinite line of possibility. Of course, it is not a line, but the concept of a line is fairly simple for the mind to visualize, so it works as well as words can. Each of us has access to this infinite line of possibility, although most of us unwittingly settle for a tiny space on the line, even though our hearts keep telling us there is more. When we feel caged, tied up in knots, irritable or just plain out of sorts, our heart is speaking to us saying, “Pay attention! Are you willing to listen yet; are you ready to step out of that tiny space you have staked out for yourself?”

We don’t always understand heart’s language. Our minds often interpret the signals as personal lack—if we would just try harder or get lucky and figure it out, everything would fall into place. We may also, sometimes even at the same time, project our discomfort out onto our world—if they would just act different, be more like we expected, see it our way, then we wouldn’t feel this way. We look for answers, trying desperately to find that illusive peace, that longed-for love that, if we are lucky, we haven’t given up on yet.

No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see the possibilities - always see them, for they’re always there. Norman Vincent Peale

If there is an infinite line of possibility why is it that it seems we keep finding that same inch over and over again? If we listen to our minds they will tell us it isn’t true, but when we are willing to listen more deeply, and open our hearts, setting our mind’s view aside, something within us already knows the line of infinite possibility exists.

Suzuki’s quote points the way. Beginner’s mind rather than expert’s mind is the clue. When we are in the dumps we don’t exactly see ourselves as an expert, even when that’s what we want the world to see, but we are fully enmeshed in expert’s mind. Beginner’s mind is pretty easy to understand. It is empty of the ideas that fill it up as it learns its way around. A beginner’s mind doesn’t yet know what it doesn’t yet know and has space available for new ideas, for a while at least, until it begins to fill up with expertise. Expert mind is full, full of its own ideas, beliefs and versions of how, what, why, when and where.

It is this stuffed and cramped rigidity that limits us and locks us into the small space on the line. It is fueled with every ‘no’ we say to life. “No, not this”, “No, this isn’t the way it should be”, “No, I don’t want that, I want this.” During meditation I recently saw a picture of the human form and it was made entirely of knots, not too unlike how we feel when we are out of sorts. It was instantly clear that every knot was created when we said, “not this”. These knots are constrictions that choke joy out of life. They are also a signal for us to investigate our pain.

This last couple of weeks I have been looking right into the heart of possibility. I have said for many years that anything is possible but I realized that I didn’t really believe it. Could I win the lottery without buying a ticket? No, not that. Did I believe that the planet could magically heal itself overnight? No, it couldn’t happen that way. Was it possible for the political polarities to come together for the good of the whole? No, didn’t think that was likely. So, in light of my bag of ‘knots’ I have been sitting and watching every belief, realizing that every one of them limited me and limited us as a whole. With my process there was an intense letting go at a new and profound level.

A couple of days ago we went to see “The Narnia Chronicles: Prince Caspian”. One scene in particular caught my attention. Lucy, the youngest of the four Pevensie children, was walking through the forest, being called forward by Aslan’s essence. Petals flowed through the air and formed into the shape of a woman, swirling and dancing above the forest floor. As I watched in awe, I was transported into possibility. Was that possible? Could the life force within the petals take shape and play with us? Could the trees sway or move and share their thoughts? Did they even have thoughts? Could a little animal sit on our shoulder and whisper into our ear in a language we both understood? What was truly possible? That question ricocheted through me.

I decided in that minute that I was no longer willing to believe in impossibility. I didn’t care anymore if others laughed at me or thought me insane. It no longer mattered, not a whit! The only thing I cared about was opening absolutely to God’s infinite possibility and gratefully lapping up all God offers. I didn’t want to miss anything, any possibility ever again.

With every belief we hold we tighten the box and prevent new creative solutions from emerging, from popping into view like the gift from God they are. There is a solution for every problem. There is an antidote for every poison we swallow. It is available to us when we drop our claim to our small piece of real estate. It is available to the adventurous, when we are willing to untie our knots and trade them in for infinite possibility.

Would love to hear your thoughts and comments!

People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don’t even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child—-our own two eyes. All is a miracle. Thich Nhat Hanh

With all God’s wonder around us, how can we function at all? Why aren’t we madly dancing in the street like the Sufis or prostrated and lost in prayer? Last night as I started the meditation for the Fearlessness Project I fell into a bottomless pool of wonder. The words flowed effortlessly, perfectly, opening a glimpse into a life of possibility and awe. How can we be dripping wet with the miraculous and not be washed free of indifference, boredom, and our self-absorption? What stops us from seeing this truth? What prevents us from being purely in service to this marvel?

We are all made of the same stuff—particles and waves, protons and neutrons, quarks and leptons—fermions, as named by the physicists, that aren’t differentiated at all, and yet we grow into Gayle, and Ken, Scott and Josh, and Carie. These fermions become all the apparently differentiated beings here on this planet. One bit of earth, of sperm and egg, for what are these bodies but the food we eat, the water we drink and the air we breath—nothing but dirt that majestically, magically joins together to beget life—a mystery so big that no one understands it and yet we remain standing. The wonder is that this mystery doesn’t drop us to our knees unable to function at all.

Seeds, millions of tiny seeds, all made of the same stuff, and yet they grow into flowers with millions of perfect blossoms in every color, shape, fragrance and size. They ripen into trees with so many shades and shapes of green it boggles the imagination. Stop by your local farmer’s field and marvel at the varieties of vegetables and fruits. Open your memory. You can taste the flesh of last summer’s peaches, melons, and cherries. Everywhere you look you can see plants of every kind and all of them too, are made of the same stuff. As they begin to peek through the soil, how do they know what to be?

If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change. Buddha

Lately I have been stopping to watch this miracle. The kiwis outside my office window share their constantly evolving process with anyone willing to stop and just be. I often find myself gazing out the window rather than working, more intent to watch God work. From my window onto the world I can watch hummingbirds, blue jays, woodpeckers, bees of every variety, all of them going about their business, serving their purpose without question, each the perfect hummingbird or woodpecker, blue jay or bee. Each one made of this same stuff. How does the egg know which design to create? Does the hummingbird whisper to its child inside and create its likeness with its prayer?

When we stop to revel, to glory in life, we are given such a gift. All that God asks of us is to slow down a bit from our hurry and to open to His generous majesty, to be present in this moment, fully present, here and now. In return we are given compensation beyond worth.

(Quote from Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium—(Mr. Magorium and Molly have just reset all the clocks in a clock shop and now have 37 seconds until they all start to chime!)

Mr. Edward Magorium: 37 seconds.
Molly Mahoney: Great. Well done. Now we wait.
Mr. Edward Magorium: No. We breathe. We pulse. We regenerate. Our hearts beat. Our minds create. Our souls ingest. 37 seconds, well used, is a lifetime.

Our lives are capable of giving us and each other so much more than we imagine. With our fear of not having, not achieving, of losing, of dying, we run through our lives trying to stave off the boogeyman and walk right past the gems on our paths that silently await our presence. Our fears control us because we are afraid we haven’t begun to live yet. We know we are missing something very important.

Mr. Edward Magorium: Your life is an occasion. Rise to it.

That which we seek lies within presence. Wonder is a doorway. Stop a moment and just be with life—the trees, the birds, the flowers, each other. Everything has a precious gift to share. Wonder is present at the moment you too, are willing to be present. We are the adventure. We are wonder. We are life. Wonder and fall into this possibility. Your life too, is an occasion. Will you rise to it?

Please share your comments and thoughts. Let’s start a conversation and enter into wonder!

A new world dawns!

What is arising now is not a new belief system, a new religion, spiritual ideology, or mythology. We are coming to the end not only of mythologies but also of ideologies and belief systems. The change goes deeper that the content of the your mind, deeper than your thoughts. In fact, at the heart of the new consciousness lies the transcendence of thought, the newfound ability of rising above thought, of realizing a dimension within yourself that is infinitely more vast than thought. You then no longer derive your identity, your sense of who you are, from the incessant stream of thinking that in the old consciousness you take to be yourself. What a liberation to realize that the “voice in my head” is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that. The awareness that is prior to thought, the space in which the thought–or the emotion or sense perception–happens. Eckhard Tolle, A New Earth

The dawning of a new age! Can you feel its energy? It is like the sirens voice calling Odysseus—it’s draw unmistakable. It may feel like uneasiness or ache, perhaps a call to service or an irresistible need to drop to your knees in prayer. This week for me the energy has felt like a tearing apart at the seams, not dissimilar to a root bound plant outgrowing its pot; only no new pot can contain this that is being born.

For the past two days a new and unusual restlessness has arisen. At times there has been a most natural compulsion to pull a pillow over my head and scream for release. However, I consciously chose to study this that was tugging at me like two horses, one tied to my hands, the other my feet. In the past there had been delays, lesser and lesser over time, between the rising of agitation and my recognition of what was afoot. In that space of delay I had already engaged the drama, wanting it to be something else, anything else, before the appreciation of choice dawned. This time an immediate sense of separation lay between the body of irritation and the observer, handing me an opening in which to see clearly.

It was very similar to what I experienced several nights ago when I went to bed after a day of amazing clarity and presence, and was overcome with an immense fear. This fear was far vaster than any I had encountered before. It felt profoundly primal. Mind and emotions were not caught up in the energy. In fact, mind was curious and not at all anxious. As I lay there I began probing to see what it was that was in bed with me. It soon became obvious that death had deftly slid beneath the sheets and no safe place existed for me on this earth.

Minutes later Ken crawled into bed I shared what I was seeing. He gently chuckled and said, “You know there is no safe place”. Yes. Mind knew. Emotionally, I knew. Spiritually I knew. Evidently, physically, this body didn’t. It was pure body fear, ancient, something deep inside that lies beneath the more apparent fears of scarcity and self-worth, the fears readily recognized when we are willing to look. This fear is unknown to us until we strip away the outer layers and as I saw, it resides within each of us.

Over the course of the last three years I have learned to engage my fears. I am not fearless, just willing to walk into the ‘valley of the shadow of death’ and meet my fears, not out of some super-human ability or sub-human stupidity, but because I wholly appreciate the alternative. I have lived at the effect of my fears for too many years and am fully cognizant of the dark places they take me. The grand experiment has done its job and created an undeniable awareness. With that awareness, choice is easy and effortless, creating an unwillingness to continue the game.

When fully met, fears are like air inside a balloon after the balloon pops—dispersed into the sky! I no longer attempt to let them go, to release them, to surrender. I walk willingly into them, opening every cell, inviting the fears to show themselves, to return home, here inside me, where they were birthed. It is a reintegration, a healing of separation, a return to wholeness.

That night in curiosity, I invited the fear to speak. “What is it you have to tell me, fear?” Sitting right in the middle of fear’s energy and after a few uncomfortable moments, I heard fear’s voice. “Ken may die. Your future, the life you dream of is not certain. In fact, it is quite uncertain.” Again, I shared the words with Ken. I stated the obvious, a fact of which we were both quite aware, yet since the re-diagnosis, these words had not been spoken. His silence was not a silence of denial but of acceptance. What would be; would be. Looking back would do no good. Looking forward would only prevent us from enjoying the life, the joy available to us in this moment.

Did that mean we would not fight the cancer? Yes. Fight, we have both decided, is decidedly the wrong word and the wrong action for us. Fighting against would strengthen the cancer. Anything we resist persists. We would embrace it, accept it and learn from it, all the while doing what appeared before us to do in each new moment.

Normally, once I have thoroughly investigated a fear, I give it back, forgive it to the Christ consciousness, and am liberated from its grip. As I lifted it up, I heard the words, “not quite yet” and understood that I was to accept its presence completely, not wanting it to leave nor wishing it to stay, to enter into full and utter surrender.

In that moment, I irreversibly understood, at least a current best understanding, as everything I know changes and expands with each deeper level of surrender. Letting fear in is a pre-requisite step to letting it go. If we look at fear as something to let go, it becomes another little box, something we hold out at arms length, preventing us from fully embracing it. We see the fear, know we need to let it go, box it up and wonder why it hangs around to haunt us. We have yet to let our stepchild out of our own private dungeon. So very subtly, we hold onto our fear, keep it imprisoned. But as each denied aspect of self is returned and re-embraced, a new level of freedom is granted and the new world draws closer.

So much is stirring! The energy for transformation is present. God bends low to earth in answer to our prayers. Yet we have our own personal work to attend to, daemons to meet, disenfranchised parts of our selves to reintegrate in order to make these vessels more receptive. Now is the time to return to Wholeness. Listen. You can hear the angelic voices calling you.

I welcome your comments and thoughts and reply to all who are willing to share of themselves.

Life or its imitation

Once upon a time, I, Chuang Chou, dreamt I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterfly. I was conscious only of my happiness as a butterfly, unaware that I was Chou. Soon I awaked, and there I was, veritably myself again. Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man. Between a man and a butterfly there is necessarily a distinction. The transition is called the transformation of material things. (Chinese Philosopher Master Zhuang)

Do you know what is real and what is imagination? Are you sure? If so, how do you know the difference? Your mind is an amazingly creative device. When you awaken from a dream, sometimes minutes pass before you can shake yourself out of what only a breath before appeared real. If you believed in the dream’s reality, what makes you believe only minutes later in the dream’s unreality? Which reality is true—the dream about life or life lived apparently outside the dream? Which dream is the dream? Beliefs are different for each of us. What is believed real for me may not be real to you. Is it possible that what is real comes with no bottom line certainty?

Morpheus to Neo: If real is what you can feel, smell, taste and see, then ‘real’ is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain (The Matrix)

Is that all real is? Electrical signals? Each of us must answer that question for ourselves, but if you have experienced glimpses, have a sense of something beyond the wizard’s curtain, you already know that something other than this day-to-day experience exists. It is what drives the search. Without that inner understanding wouldn’t you be content, unable to conceive the possible validity of your butterfly nature. Perhaps there are layers of reality, like the layers of an onion, and different things appear real depending on your perspective and willingness to look deeper.

It’s an interesting conundrum, this reality question. When you are daydreaming—life lived within the dream—is that real? You make up stories in your heads, act out conversations, envision outcomes, and feel the energetic impact of your imagination in your stomach and heart. Is that real? Feels pretty real, doesn’t it? But as soon as you pop out of the trance, you immediately recognize the daydream as unreality. Too bad your body doesn’t have such a mechanism. If it did it would shake off the silent apprehension easily, effortlessly.

Imagination feels real, even after you snap out of the game. We humans spend much of our lives playing with imagination and fantasy. Most suffering stems from this mindplay as we strive to envision a life different from the one we have, replaying old conversations, conversations long gone and yet, energetically resilient.

Pay attention and you will find a goldmine of information floating through your head. Notice that it is not enough to live in the moment—that it is more important to analyze, to review, and replay. Become aware of how you spend your life’s precious days inside your head, playing with different versions of life instead of living it. In fact, can you detect that you spend so much time within the what ifs of imagination that you develop a craving for mindplay, little by little learning to prefer it to the real thing, even while you quietly pray for the voices inside your head to stop?

Most of us fear dying, afraid we haven’t fully lived because at some level we know we haven’t yet begun to live. Fear of death, when seen and acknowledged, is liberating, especially when we see the gift that lies beneath this desire to linger a little longer. Life is not a brain inside a bell jar. Life is full-on engagement. It is lived out loud and accessed only in the moment. Insistence upon our version of life keeps us locked inside our mind, crippling us emotionally and spiritually, consuming the spice of life. It kills us long before the body drops away. Our fear of death is actually our desire to truly live, to experience living life out loud.

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. Norman Cousins (American Essayist and Editor, long associated with the Saturday Review. 1912-1990)

This ache, this loneliness, this sense of faking our way through life, is our blessing. It is the divine cattle prod, the siren’s call to freedom. For many of us it is the reason we search. It asks nothing of us other than to answer its call and understand its message. And the message is, “What you have been doing has not been working or you wouldn’t still be looking for answers, you would have become answer, complete in yourself”.

What have you been doing? Have you been attempting to think your way out of your predicament, envisioning the perfect future, perhaps even uttering words of hope and faith, but to what purpose, to change your current reality into one you deem better? Have you held out hope for your awakening to ensure your specialness, hope for your success to guarantee that others look up to you, hope for your picture of the perfect life that will finally establish your worthiness? Have you held out hope to be any of many things rather than abandoning desire and looking to life as it is? Each hope, is a wolf in sheep’s clothes, a distraction from reality, another foray into mind! Are you ready yet to lay down your arms and consider the message?

Morpheus to Neo: This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.
Morpheus [to Neo who is choosing the red pill] Remember… all I’m offering is the truth. Nothing more.

What is truth? What is real? Can you really know? Would you like to? You will not find the Real in imagination. You won’t even find ‘life’ in imagination. Life is only lived on the razor’s edge, between past and future. It shimmers lightly right here in this moment even before thoughts about the present. A life of imagination is not life. It is make-believe, fantasy, pretend, imitation—no different than imaginary food on a child’s play table. This pretend life leaves one empty and unfulfilled, aching for the Real. It leaves us gasping for air, depressed and alone. Life is only lived as one chooses to be fully present, fully here, regardless of what or who shows up, even when it’s messy and uncomfortable as it is certain to be.

Do you want freedom from mind’s endless conversation, from your self-condemnation and fear of inadequacy—this mess we all, when we are willing to be brutally honest, find ourselves in. Do you genuinely want emotional, mental and spiritual freedom? Stop a minute before you answer. There are many reasons you might want to continue this mindplay. As you well know, at times it is quite fun and entertaining. It has kept you utterly occupied for years. Stop and recognize that choosing Now, choosing to show up for life, means stopping the game, stopping the play of mind, stopping the forays into daydream, into what if, and the scenarios of your perfect life—you know, the life you will have when and if you get lucky or better yet, work hard enough. Choosing this moment has infinite implications. Are you ready to quit dreaming and enter into Life, ready to reclaim yourself from the bell jar of your imagination? Are you willing to really live? Will you choose the red pill?

Morpheus: I’m trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You’re the one that has to walk through it.

 

What did you think about the article? Your comments are welcomed and will be responded to as well!

Learning to fully live during tough times

Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ken’s asleep now. It’s been a big couple of days. Seems like a life time has come and gone; perhaps it has. Surgery for the new melanoma was Wednesday morning—early. Ten hours later, it was over. Four hours later he was out of recovery and into the next phase of life, learning to survive cancer. My work with the men at the Oregon State Correctional Institution gave me gave me an appreciation for freedom. Ken’s rollercoaster ride with cancer has given me a whole new appreciation for life and a deep understanding of the preciousness of each of life’s moments.

I know now why people close down and create walls around themselves for protection. Being open is painful when what is present is filled with sadness and suffering, but that is my commitment, to not close down in any way so here I sit wide open, allowing it all to be what it is, without story, without running or hiding. The love of everyone is so present here too. One would miss that if they closed down. You have to accept it all, to remain open to it all, or you miss the joy inherent in the sorrow, you miss the deep connection that lies amidst the pain.

The natural instinct of self-preservation creates walls easily, automatically, lending itself well to fight or flight, and misses the opportunity of being present. It would be nice if we could partition off the good from the bad and experience only happiness and joy, but we can’t. When we partition off the unacceptable, we partition ourselves off from life. We build walls that prevent us from experiencing all of life. Rather than experiencing life, being truly alive, we unconsciously tone down our experience to one we deem more acceptable. Unfortunately what we get is a mental experience rather than the entire experience, one that leaves us feeling disconnected and lost.

Every life has dark tracts and long stretches of somber tint, and no representation is true to fact which dips its pencil only in light, and flings no shadows on the canvas. Alexander Maclaren

A picture is worth a thousand words, so let me draw one. When we build a wall, it is as if we create a shell around ourselves. Consider yourself an egg inside an egg shell. Without the shell the egg slides all over the place…including into the frying pan…erase that…good for a picture but the analogy, while accurate, will most likely add more fear rather than opening an opportunity to shed it.

Let’s try again with a trip down memory lane. Back in 1976 John Travolta starred in a movie called, “Boy in the Plastic Bubble”, a film about a boy who was forced to live in a plastic isolation chamber because he was born with a non-functioning immune system, leaving him vulnerable to even the most common everyday viruses. The bubble is a great analogy for what we do to ourselves when we say ‘no’ to any aspect of our lives. In “The Grand Experiment” we call it the crystalline shell. Rather than being forced to live inside the bubble, though, we choose it, believing it to be safer than this painful experience of life. The virus we are vulnerable to is fear. When something good comes along, we don’t drop the layers and step free of the bubble. If we did that, the painful energy might find us, so instead, we engage life, the good and the bad from inside the bubble.

None of this is conscious, and though it may sound contradictory, it is a choice. It becomes a choice when we realize what is happening. At that point, we choose either to stay safely inside the bubble or choose to crack it, dissolve it, dismantle it…whatever it takes to live freely. Even knowing, we may continue to choose what appears to be safety, at least until the pain of being ensconced within the bubble exceeds the pain we perceive to be on the outside. In the movie, John Travolta’s character fell in love with the girl next door. He decided that life on the outside, even if it meant his death, was better than a long, safe life, disconnected from the ability to fully love—a true coming of age story.

Coming of age…what does that mean? It usually means growing up and entering into adulthood. Consider using it to mean growing into a true human, into our humanity, into our full compassion, fully aware of what it means to be human and that includes the good and the bad, the suffering and the pain. We are not meant to find the golden bucket at the end of the rainbow. There is no prince on a white horse. We cannot and should not choose only the apparent good in life. If we do we miss out on life…messy life…complex life…real life. We miss out on the ability to engage life. We miss out on the ability to live life fully present—present and accounted for! We look through the bubble and wonder why it feels as if we are missing out on something, why we feel so disconnected, why life just doesn’t satisfy. Inside the bubble we have the appearance of safety, but it is killing us slowly, roasting us one dream at a time. Outside is painful. Outside is joyful. Outside is all full! Outside is life. Inside is mind’s version, mind’s game, mind’s diversion from life.

Live now. None of us know how long we have here or how long the people we love will be with us. These moments are precious. They are God’s gift to each of us when we choose to fully experience life. Hell is inside the bubble of mind’s making. Heaven is filled with sorrow and suffering, joy and ecstatic, full-on living and it is here, outside the bubble. Come out and play.

Just as the wave cannot exist for itself, but is ever a part of the heaving surface of the ocean, so must I never live my life for itself, but always in the experience which is going on around me. Albert Schweitzer

 

You are invited to comment and share your thoughts and feelings. Perhaps you too have learned a lesson you would like to share. This is the way we learn and evolve. This is your forum, your opportunity to connect. Looking forward to hearing from you!